Roast... Asparagus

I had some unexpected visitors this week. I hadn't been expecting to use my pool anyway, so I almost didn't even get to see them. But as I left my apartment, there they were, making me want to go for a swim.

What made the momma duck decide to go for a day trip to the pool today? And how did she know to use the pool, how did she keep the ducklings from going into the hot tub? How did she plan on getting them back out when they were done with their swim? She could jump out, but the duckling that tried hit his head on the side of the pool and fell back into the water with a splash. Not the size of the splash the momma made when she realized the ducklings couldn't follow, but a fairly hefty splash for a critter of that size anyway.

Why did the other 10 ducklings stay home when I saw her swimming in the pool again last night?

So many questions come from just seeing a duck paddling its way through a swimming pool. So many mysteries of the universe to unravel. It makes me wonder what questions I'd have if I looked out one morning and saw a tuna swimming around in the pool. I suppose I'd start wondering if the pool was safe, or if there was a danger of a man-eating shark.

Or maybe I'd just wonder... when's lunch?

The Tuna Conspiracy

The beach is closed at 10pm.

I've been trying to figure out why a beach closes. I suppose the claim is it will reduce crime rates or lower the cost of patroling the area. But I've started to think that there's another reason.

For a while, I thought that it might be that the sharks can only swim around for so long, and they need a break too. So since people would be disappointed if the went to the beach and didn't get to see a shark, the beach should be closed whenever the sharks can't make an actual appearance. This would, of course, be at night when they need to rest and on major shark holidays (the anniversary of the first showing of Jaws, for example). But since the beach isn't actually closed on major shark holidays, there's probably another reason.

Maybe it's because the waves get tired of lapping on the shore, and want some time to themselves to play UNO. You wouldn't really want to go to the beach if the waves are going to just ignore you the whole time, so again the waves have to get some time of their own to relax. Then again, UNO cards don't shuffle well when wet.

Of coruse, I really think that it's probably fairly simple. The tuna need some time when they're able to hold their super-top-mauve-secret meetings, the ones where they discuss their plans of taking over the world. Since they already have infiltrated and taken over the coast guard, and their mortal enemies, the jellyfish, can't come ashore, it's fairly obvious that that's when and where their meetings can be held.

So when the tuna do take over the world, don't blame it on me. /I/ stayed on the beach until at least a quarter after ten.

Unicorn of the Sea

The aquarium (yes, I love fish) has a sign in their new shark exhibit. Something to the effect of "Sharks are the unicorns of the modern era". But how can that possibly be true? Sharks are real and unicorns weren't, right? Or at least that's what I always believed. But the people running the aquarium know more than I do about many things, and sharks are (hopefully) one of them, so maybe it could be true.

Were unicorns real creatures at some point? Did the roam the land the way the sharks roam the sea, being drawn to blood, ferocious animals that everyone feared? Were unicorns seen as the most vicious of animals, hunted to extinction to protect families from the constantly looming threat of being gored when they least expected it? Did unicorns stalk their prey, the tip of their horn the only thing visible, warning them of the doom at hand? Did merchants sell unicorn teeth to tourists visiting the forest for the first time?

Mayhaps sharks are really just a myth. Maybe there's some benign creature out there, something that afar appears to be this deadly evil. Perhaps noone has ever died because of a shark, all of the stories have been made up, imagined, designed to keep children from running out and playing in the ocean while their parents are safely sleeping. It's possible that all of the pictures were faked, all of the stories fictitious, all of the fear created and not due to something that's real. Plausibly sharks will be the creatures of myths years after they're discovered to just be a variety of tuna, their shape and size appearing changed by the refraction of water.

Truly, though, the quote is supposed to be taken more literally. There used to be no sharks and many unicorns, and over time the unicorns changed. Being hunted out of the forests and off the plains, the only place left, the only place safe was in the water. Through the years, the unicorn lost its horse-like appearance. Being a magical, mystical creature, of course, it can do that. As time passed, the unicorns became sharks.

How many stories about sharks /were/ there when unicorns roamed the earth?