The Tuna Conspiracy
The beach is closed at 10pm.
I've been trying to figure out why a beach closes. I suppose the claim is it will reduce crime rates or lower the cost of patroling the area. But I've started to think that there's another reason.
For a while, I thought that it might be that the sharks can only swim around for so long, and they need a break too. So since people would be disappointed if the went to the beach and didn't get to see a shark, the beach should be closed whenever the sharks can't make an actual appearance. This would, of course, be at night when they need to rest and on major shark holidays (the anniversary of the first showing of Jaws, for example). But since the beach isn't actually closed on major shark holidays, there's probably another reason.
Maybe it's because the waves get tired of lapping on the shore, and want some time to themselves to play UNO. You wouldn't really want to go to the beach if the waves are going to just ignore you the whole time, so again the waves have to get some time of their own to relax. Then again, UNO cards don't shuffle well when wet.
Of coruse, I really think that it's probably fairly simple. The tuna need some time when they're able to hold their super-top-mauve-secret meetings, the ones where they discuss their plans of taking over the world. Since they already have infiltrated and taken over the coast guard, and their mortal enemies, the jellyfish, can't come ashore, it's fairly obvious that that's when and where their meetings can be held.
So when the tuna do take over the world, don't blame it on me. /I/ stayed on the beach until at least a quarter after ten.
posted by Silik at 10:30 AM
3 Comments:
I think that would demonstrate a level of intelligence unheard of in non-genetically-mutated sharks. No, I think that they just work all night long, and the ones that work the evening hours just get fewer tips. All part of the evil plan of the tuna to turn the sharks against each other, a part of their plot to take over the under-the-sea part of the world.
I like tuna. I make it with Miracle Whip, but not onions. Because I only like them cooked. But I do put a teaspoon of mustard in the mix. And sometimes, sometimes when I make my sandwich, I have chips with it. Regular chips. And sometimes, these are really good to put inside of my sandwich. Crunchy sandwiches rock.
Peanut Butter and Bacon Bits All the Way, Man.
I am a geek. Sigh.
Q
And you're obviously part of the problem. If people hadn't started hunting down tuna at such a rate, if they weren't worried about giving their children a safe ocean to live in, they wouldn't be going on this "take over the world" campaign, and I wouldn't have been kicked off the beach shortly after 10.
That said, I think tuna's yummy too. But without mustard.
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