Thursday, April 28, 2005

At the Speed of a 100-Baud Modem

I, of course, had to walk past the snails again. They were on the way, so I was ready. I knew I could dance around them, for I'd done so already, I'd managed to keep from touching a single one. So I was prepared, just for the wrong thing.

They'd had most of the day to sun themselves, and had either (a) wandered off of the sidewalk again or (b) succumbed to an horrible fate on the bottom of someone else's shoe. None on mine, but other people are obviously less careful. But I wonder, which is a worse fate for a snail?

How bad is it to have their houses smashed with them still mostly inside? Pretty bad I'd guess. But the ants didn't mind much, it would seem. Or at least there was an army of ants covering that entire stretch of sidewalk whom I could /not/ manage to dance around.

Is that worse, or is it worse for a snail to realize that they need to go for a stroll mid-winter, only to find that someone's been nice and salted the sidewalk already? Or aren't snails related closely-enough to slugs to make them really care?

Or is the even worse fate to remain living on as a snail? What kind of withdrawl would I have if I couldn't use the internet for my /entire life/? It's only survivable if I can at least still use paper..

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Don't Salt the Sidewalk!

Apparently it was a good day for a stroll. I can't really say it was apparently a good day for a walk, for none of the snails I saw were walking. I suppose it's rather unlikely that they were strolling either, but at least it /feels/ like they were. But only because it seems like snails do something between a walk and a roll.

On the sidewalk, I was surprised to see a snail. I haven't seen them that large in quite a while. It looked like the size of the ones they serve in fancy resteraunts in those movies where ordinary people go eat somewhere expensive. They always serve snails there, but why would an ordinary person actually want to eat snails? Just to show that they're eating somewhere fancy? How many people that frequent those resteraunts actually partake of that part of the menu, or is it simplay on there for the ordinary people that get to try something new? If /I/ had the kind of money to eat regularly in that type of establishment, I'd have to make them get a hamburger. If I had the kind of money to eat there frequently, they'd probably even do so to keep my business.

But it was a good day for a stroll, for after I saw that first snail, I noticed there was another in the path of my shoe. So I moved slightly to avoid it, only to narrowly avoid yet another. Move, avoid, move, avoid, I finally found somewhere safe to set my foot, and discovered I had to repeat the process. Repeat the process, or pretend that I'm in an Indiana Jones movie walking on fortune cookies. I prefered to repeat the process. Dodging spikes jutting out of the ground doesn't seem like a healthy start to the day for me.

It was the snails' day out. And mine too. But they're the lucky ones, they got to spend the whole day in bed. Of course, /I/ get to eat potatoe chips.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Buddy, Got a Light?

They tell me that light is made up of little particles, too tiny to see. Which is rather silly, I say, for if I can't see them, how do I see anything at all? They tell me that light is made up of waves, but to that I hold the same argument.. waves of what? Particles too tiny to see?

No, I say they're wrong. Light isn't either of these things. This I know well, for I spent way too much time making light..or at least pretending to. The pictures at least looked fairly neat.

Light can be slowed down, yet its speed is a constant. But how can that be? Light ends up as one of the more confusing subjects I know.

I've spent hours contemplating it, trying to understand it. I've wondered what would be like if gravity had a larger effect on light, pulling it to the floor as soon as it left the flashlight. Not that we'd really have much use for flashlights in that case, so the probably would never have been invented, but I'm just saying. And then I thought it'd be pretty funny to see something like that, until I realized I was being dumb and wouldn't be able to see such a thing, except mayhaps from below. You couldn't look at things anywhere but nearby and above, unless light bounced still. Then you'd get a jumble of images if you lay on the ground and just look.

No, light's best as it is now. But now I've got to wonder the same about sound.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

More Language Woes

There are many things I persist in completly not understanding. But one specifically tops the list right now. It's not anything to do with the pyramids or even Atlantis. And has nothing to do with either women or the weather. Which is surprizing, as netiher of those is understandable by /anyone/.

But, then again, neither is the English language. Not even by those people in England, who can't keep their own language straight and keep adding random 'u's to the middle of words. Or possibly even to the end of words, it's hard to tell when they're talking.

It's a complete mystery, the rules behind the language. At least Latin had fairly consistent rules. Until they started trying to add to it, anyway. Then it became a mess, so it's no wonder the language is now dead. Who can waste all that time remembering all the special cases? Maybe the ancient Romans can, but they're mostly dead now so my point about the language still stands.

English, though, continues to confuse. The rules seem silly and pointless.

Why exactly /is/ a three-foot cable three feet long?

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Is it Time Yet?

I didn't fall over the edge of the world. Honest. I've just been incredibly confused. Horribly confused. Not as confused as Mother Nature, but still confused nontheless.

Confusion leads to distraction. Distraction leads to... ooh, shiny!

But for now I am back. Braving the weather, not that there's that much to truly brave. Rather, there's lots of good weather for amusement value. For I thought it was going to be sunny. So did everyone else. But alas, when we awoke, the rain was coming down. We went to lunch, we thought the rain had stopped. So outside we ate.

We were right, the rain was gone, but the sky still wanted to cry. As drips began, the people ran, most everyone went inside.

How three drops of rain a downpour create, that will I never know. But that's just fine, the patio was mine, and thus I could find a seat.

I'm still confused, for I thought summer was here, but the occasional sprinkle is at least neat.