Wednesday, January 17, 2007

the Monster From the Deep

Driving down the road that night, I saw it standing there

Flailing arms and gaping maw, it had a glowing eye

Lightning struck and thunder crashed, revealing scales of green

The monster soon was to step forth, then trailing slime and sludge

This I knew and this I feared, hoped dark my car would hide

Knowing yet that one false move, my life he then would take

Quick to pass for pass I must, I simply flew on by

The monster coming from the deep, my car it might not see

Or so I hoped as breathlessly, my car and I did speed

Past I got and safe I was, I had my hands and feet

He spared my life that stormy night, my head I got to keep

Free from fear and terror known, behind me I did seek

Driving down the road that night, I saw it standing there

Branches swaying in the wind, moon streaming 'tween the leaves

Lightning struck and thunder crashed, revealing leaves of green

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Pneumonia or Pneudity

Walking to work I started thinking. It was cold outside, so it took a while for the gears to get going, and I was a block and a half down the road before I realized how happy I was to be walking on the west side of the road instead of the east. It was a couple more blocks before I started wondering what I would have done if I had been walking on the east side when that sprinkler turned on. And it took a few more steps before I started wondering why that sprinkler didn't sprinkle, and instead just shot a single jet of water a dozen feet into the air. Was it really a sprinkler? It was in the line of sprinklers, but none of them turned on. It's where a sprinkler should have been, evenly spaced between the last and next sprinkler in the line. It should have been a sprinkler, so by that time my brain had warmed up enough that I decided it was just defective.

I also went back to wondering what I would have done, had I been on the other side of the street.

Being a 25-minute walk from home in the cold, going home didn't seem pleasant. Sitting around work all day in wet clothing seemed rather icky also. I could have tried to use a dryer at work, but that seems to have problems. I could have asked for a ride home, but nobody got in for another hour. I could have hoped to find free clothes laying around work, but seldom do you see free pants. No, my two choices seemed less-than-optimal.

So which is more work appropriate... sitting around a somewhat chilly office in wet clothes and chance getting pneumonia, or sitting around a somewhat chilly office, drying wet clothes, and hope nobody stops by in the meantime?

I'm glad I walked down the west side. Either side would have got me thinking. Both sides would have kept my brain warm. But only one side managed to warm the rest of me too.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Wanted: Punches and Lines in Equal Quantites

I've decided again. And this time it's not an astronaut or police man. I want to be a stand-up comedian when (if ever) I grow up. I could so do it too. It's not like I'm afraid to get up in front of people and make a complete fool out of myself. Why would it be any different from making a complete fool out of myself in the privacy of my own home?

Being a stand-up comedian would have tons of advantages. I could claim horrible stage fright, which has the standard cure of 'imagine the audience in their underware'. But then I could claim to have a horrible imagination, and request help from the audience. You get to work late nights and sleep in all morning. And I'm certain that I could manage all of the free food I could ever want.

As long as I don't mind eating rotten tomatoes.

I could discuss my views on politics, the weather, and whether or not we should allow the Alpha Centauri food riots to continue, or if we should just let them eat cake. As long as I spoke in a funny voice and used vulgarity at inappropriate times, I'm certain I'd be a smash.

Yes, I think I have a new goal, a new calling in life. I'll get started on it right away. As soon as I think up a good punch line.

And as soon as I think up a joke to go with it.