Wanted: Punches and Lines in Equal Quantites

I've decided again. And this time it's not an astronaut or police man. I want to be a stand-up comedian when (if ever) I grow up. I could so do it too. It's not like I'm afraid to get up in front of people and make a complete fool out of myself. Why would it be any different from making a complete fool out of myself in the privacy of my own home?

Being a stand-up comedian would have tons of advantages. I could claim horrible stage fright, which has the standard cure of 'imagine the audience in their underware'. But then I could claim to have a horrible imagination, and request help from the audience. You get to work late nights and sleep in all morning. And I'm certain that I could manage all of the free food I could ever want.

As long as I don't mind eating rotten tomatoes.

I could discuss my views on politics, the weather, and whether or not we should allow the Alpha Centauri food riots to continue, or if we should just let them eat cake. As long as I spoke in a funny voice and used vulgarity at inappropriate times, I'm certain I'd be a smash.

Yes, I think I have a new goal, a new calling in life. I'll get started on it right away. As soon as I think up a good punch line.

And as soon as I think up a joke to go with it.