Grappling Hooks or Dynamite?

Slow Trucks.

Driving down the road, there're lots of signs alongside the road. The Slow Trucks sign makes me think every time, though. I always wonder where the trucks are that I'm supposed to be slowing down. I never see the trucks when I see the sign, maybe they're somewhere in front of me. Or maybe I need to slow down too, as they're somewhere behind. Or maybe they're in the oncoming traffic. Wherever they are, though, it's apparently my job to slow them down.

So while I'm not sure which trucks need slowing, it's still somewhat important to figure out how to slow them down. My first thought was that I needed to install some grappling hooks in my car so I could grab the trucks and apply my brakes. But then the trucks would probably just drag me along. Mass is important in the momentum equations.

Other choices include caltrips or dynamite, or maybe carrying around a trailer full of sand. Although after thinking about it I decided that they probably just intended for me to get in front of the trucks and slow down myself, because even though the truck /could/ run me down, they tend not to.

Of course, I could be reading the signs incorrectly, they might be similar to the falling rocks or wildlife crossing signs. So whomever put up the sign might be saying, "yes, we know there are lots of slow trucks in the area, we've done everything we possibly could to get rid of them, but they're still around. Please watch out for them. Don't make eye contact, and please, please don't feed the trucks."

The One Squirrel

Driving down the road, many people have had the experience of hitting a squirrel. Several years ago, however, I learned that there's actually only been one squirrel that's ever had the experience of being hit by a car.

There is, in fact, only one squirrel.

The squirrel is a very special animal--most people think he's rather stupid, especially after having just run one down. He'll run back and forth in front of a car, seemingly unable to determine which way to best avoid the behemoth bearing down on him. Seemingly indecisive, he ends up getting hit. However, the squirrel isn't actually being indecisive, he's trying to figure out where best to stand that the car is unable to avoid making roadkill. For you see, there's only one squirrel, but he's very special.

He travels through time.

Most of us do travel through time. Born on the 72nd of Checkuary in 2164, we travel forward, live our lives, and then are done. That's how most creatures tend to work. But not the one squirrel, he can travel both forward _and_ backward in time. He can't push a button to switch his direction. He does need help to switch which direction he's traveling, though.

He looks for a car.

He'll wait by the side of a road whenever he's needing to switch directions again. Minutes, hours, days, he's got all the time he needs. But when he finally sees one coming, he prepares himself. He jumps. He runs around, trying to get hit, trying to stay in the path. And finally it comes. He gets hit. He switches directions.

He's roadkill.

Or he was roadkill.. depending on which way he's going now.

(I'm not really sure where I first heard this theory, or even if I assisted in its design. But I still favor it whenever I see squirrels running on the road.)

All Roads

What's the big appeal of Rome? So many Roman history classes are offered, but I've yet to see one history class on my hometown. I say that Rome is overrated, and people should stop worrying about it. How many American history classes do you think the Romans had? Sure, they've finally come around and have some now, but it's a little too late for them to make up for it. They just finally realized that noone's studying this current group of Romans and had to try to do something to guilt people into studying them too. But if the ancient Romans didn't bother thinking about us, why should we waste our time thinking about ancient Romans?

Sure, there's probably the occasional mistake that they made that we could learn from. Forgetting about the number 0, running around in dresses, letting the empire fall, but I say we're all smart people, we're capable of making those mistakes on our own, without any help from a bunch of people that couldn't care less about us anyway!

I suppose if you're planning on having an ancient Roman exchange student, you might want to brush up on your history. But more likely, you're going to want to catch up on your ancient Latin. And even then, you're only going to be able to write large missives, and have not a word to say. You might be able to muddle by with a really, horribly thick American accent. But if you've sat in a large lecture with a professor that has a horribly thick accent from some random country closer to Rome than America, you likely know that it's pointless to try understanding and a much better use of your time to trim your fingernails and talk to your neighbor and catch up on your sleep and just about anything else, anything other than listening..or studying Roman history.

But honestly, what have the Romans done for us recently? Name one modern inventions that the ancient Romans designed, and I'll be willing to concede that they're worth studying in such detail. I can't think of one.

I do have to admit though that I'm sure that there are some aspects of Roman history that are fun and interesting to study. Not useful, but interesting. Rare, but they are there. I'm sure. There can't be /that/ much material, and _all_ of it boring, can there? So sure, I can understand the occasional class or two on Roman history, but once you get through the fun stuff, what're all the rest of them for?

All roads lead to Rome, but please just visit. Once you're spent your money, do remember the road'll lead you right back home again.