Who Swapped My Wallet?

I went shopping.  Traumatic experience every time; there's a reason I avoid it as much as possible.  But I could avoid it no longer, so I went shopping.

One of my many purchases (after the elephant, but somewhere before Venus) was some superglue, and something I always forget about purchasing superglue (because I do it oh so often) is that it's apparently on the "18 or older" list.  I guess that similar to R-rated movies, it's harmful to a child's mental development.  Or maybe old fogies just got tired of having tricks played on them.  Either way, I was asked, "are you eighteen?"

I thought I'd finally stopped being asked that question.  I'd thought that finally I'd no longer have to haul out my driver's license.  I also knew that I'd been wrong before and will be wrong since, but I'd hoped nonetheless.  I'll learn better than to hope one of these days.

But when I got this somewhat confused look on my face and vaguely nodded, I guess she took that as a yes.  It was meant more as a, "I'm sorry, I don't think I really understand the question.  Am I allowed to laugh when I answer?"  But she took it as a yes.  Between the repeated searching glances and the inquisitive stare I'm fairly certain she didn't believe it, but she didn't ask again so I didn't feel like helping her out any.  Or hauling out my driver's license, who wants to show that picture if they can help it?

Certainly not me.  Even if it was right next to the credit card I had to haul out anyway.  Which brings up another question..  Why do they have the card readers for patrons to use if they're just going to request to see your credit card anyway?  Oh, and what kind of stupid question is "Is that your last name?" anyway?  She at least got to see the puzzled look and vague nod again.

Thankfully my last name matched that on the card, but if she'd asked if that was my first name, I'd've never been able to get my superglue!

Mister Null

Although at work I am "Mr. Pedantic," and while "The Morally Undefined Ghost of the Person of the Green Flame of Copper(II) Chloride" is another good choice, I think it's about time for me to find a good title of my own. The former, whilst rather often is remarkably fun for me, it's not very flattering and isn't something I really want other people to know about right away. Especially if they're cute and female. The latter, well, it'd be awesome, but would require more work than I'm willing to put forth. That whole death thing is such a pain.

So I'm in the market for a new title, but I'm not sure where to go to discover one. Most stores I know only deal in physical objects--I'm also still looking for somewhere that will sell me bottled confusion, as if I don't already posses enough. And those that deal in things somewhat more abstract, they're way too advanced to bother with things such as titles. Point masses, infinite planes, but no flattering titles.

If anyone could direct me to a titular depot, the reference would be deeply appreciated. Otherwise, well, suggestions are accepted. As long as they're not "Dorkface", I'd prefer something I'd be more willing to let other people know about. Like the cute and female variety.

I suppose I could always go ahead and start working on gaining the title of "The Morally Undefined Ghost of the Person of the Green Flame of Copper(II) Chloride." "The Person of the Green Flame of Copper(II) Chloride" would be a decently impressive title itself. And would have all the ladies swooning, I'm so sure! Although it would probably be cheaper to just have my title be the null string (not "The Null String"), saving a /ton/ of money whenever I get business cards printed.