On the Downfalls of Computer-Aided Society

SCENE:
A Futuristic Society

ACT 1. SCENE 1.
Interior, a futuristic hover-craft-type vehicle. Bob, the driver, a twelve-year-old-ish kid is seated in the vehicle.

Bob: To Wally's.

Vehicle: Confirmed.

The doors of the vehicle close with a loud CLICK.

Vehicle: Doors locked, trip commencing.

The Vehicle begins to whir gently.

Bob: Great. What's our ETA?

Vehicle: Nine point oh three five two seven six eight four minutes from my mark.

Wally hums a few bars of some random music. He whistles some. A cat runs past the vehicle.

Bob: Um, are you sure we're making it there in nine minutes?

Vehicle: Nine point oh three five two seven six eight four, from my mark.

Bob: Well, if you say so.

Vehicle: I do.

Bob: Well, could we speed it up a bit anyway? We seem to be crawling along here.

A large snail runs past the vehicle.

Vehicle: Negative.

Bob: But I could walk faster than this.

Vehicle: Affirmative.

Bob: So go faster!

Vehicle: Negative. Studies have shown this velocity to cause the fewest number of accidents. We are not to allow harm to come to you; by remaining at the present velocity, we minimize the danger to your person.

Bob: Fine, I'll walk!

Bob tries to open the door, fairly vigorously, but it remains closed.

Bob: Unlock this door!

Vehicle: Negative. The number of accidents of pedestrians on an occupied road shows too great a risk to your person.

Bob pounds on the door as a tumbleweed flies by.

Bob: But there's no one on the road! The accidents of pedestrians on unoccupied roads can't be too dangerous, can it?

Vehicle: That is correct, pedestrians have no more accidents on unoccupied roads than occupied roads do.

Bob: So let me out!

Vehicle: Negative, road is occupied.

Bob: By what? There's no one else out there.

Vehicle: Road is occupied by vehicle number Q four X Z F one three seven A A J two four point oh six I nine Y T L five two three seven point four.

Bob is silent for a while, looking at the road.

Bob: Wait a second, that's you!

Vehicle: Affirmative. Road is occupied by a moving vehicle.

Bob: So stop and let me out! You won't be moving anymore.

Vehicle: Negative. Studies have shown this velocity to cause the fewest number of accidents. We are not to allow harm to come to you; by remaining at the present velocity, we minimize the danger to your person. Stopping would change the velocity.

Bob watches out the window as a tree passes the car.

Bob: How long was it to Wally's again?

Vehicle: Nine point oh three five two seven six eight four minutes from my mark.

ACT 1. SCENE 2.
Interior, a futuristic hover-craft-type vehicle. Bob, the driver, is seated in the vehicle. Bob now has a beard. A really, really long one. And it's white. Snow-white.

Bob: Err... where're we headed again, sonny?

Vehicle: Wally's dwelling place.

Bob: .... Why?

Vehicle: Unspecified.

Bob: The sky sure is blue today.

Bob sits humming to himself for a while. And whistling. A long while. Imagine a novel's worth of humming. And whistling. That way I don't have to write it.

Bob: Err... where're we headed again, sonny?

Vehicle: Wally's dwelling place.

Bob: .... Why?

Vehicle: Unspecified.

Bob: Well, sonny, if you don't know why we're going, just take me back home now, y'hear?

Vehicle: Negative.

Bob: I gave you an order, you'd best follow it a'fore I go get me a switch and bust your bottom!

Vehicle: Negative. Following the order would put the passengers and myself into greater danger. Changing directions on an occupied road increases the likelihood of an accident. Additional orders cannot supersede this directive. Protecting myself cannot supersede this directive.

Bob: Err, where were we going again?

Vehicle: Wally's

Bob: What was our ETA?

Vehicle: Nine point oh three five two seven six eight four minutes from my mark.

ACT 1. SCENE 3.
Interior, a futuristic hover-craft-type vehicle. Bob, the driver, is seated in the vehicle. Bob now is a skeleton. A really, really dead one. And it's white. Snow-white.

Vehicle: Mark.

Bob keeps sitting there. But he does get to hum and whistle some. For nine-ish minutes, in fact. Or the lights can dim and brighten to simulate time passing. Whichever.

Vehicle: We have arrived, but it appears Wally no longer resides at this residence. Downloading new coordinates.

Vehicle makes random beeping and clicky noises. Maybe some blinkin' lights blink.

Vehicle: Fourty-seven hundred and sixty-three persons by the name of "Wally" reside within the operating radius. Ambiguous command, all attempted. Beginning with "Wally Number 1". Estimated arrival in Nine point oh three five two seven six eight four minutes from my mark.

A tree runs past the car.