On the Nature of Time

We all know that some times (say Friday, the day before Christmas, or 3am on a sleepless night) crawl by. Some days always refuse to cooperate, refuse to let other times have their fun. Other times (weekends, or the hours between when you fall asleep and when you wake up) fly by much too quickly, are unable to hold their ground against the inevitable future, no matter how you try to assist them.

Some people might blame this on the Evil Time Fairies, those nasty beings that flit around when you're not watching, and pushing time around, moving it to people that appreciate it less. They're there, when you see something blue, shiny, and fast flashing out of the corner of your eye. That's then, when you see a *bzorch* of power, and then *poof* suddenly that wonderful day you were having with the girl of your dreams is now no more than a bittersweet memory that has begun to fade even before your time together was even over. (Don't worry, she was having a horrible time, so she's still there with you, and for half of eternity you'll be together.)

Some people might blame this, instead, on the Chronoslug, a beast leaving a trail of temporal distortion in his wake, sticking to the fabric of space (not space/time, obviously) like that gunky buildup that happens in your shower when the water isn't the pure liquid from a stream high in the Himalayan mountains. They're obviously wrong, though, since I tried taking this gunky time-distorting buildup with me the last time I went to a boring lecture, and all I got was thrown out.

Some people might blame this on the conspiracy of watch makers, whom all have decided that they want more time off, and thus slow down clocks around the world whenever they need a break. So while it may seem like time is crawling by to you, don't worry, it's crawling for everyone else. Just boycott the watches and clocks, just claim "5pm, time to go home!" and don't let the injustice continue.

What is a time other than an arbitrary designation anyway? It's not like anyone /else/ really believes in the Evil Time Fairies.