Take My Goose! Please!

Of all the birds in the world, all the species that have become or are rapidly approaching extinction, why do there remain so many geese? Can we please get rid of them and bring back the dodo, or maybe exchange a few for bald eagles, or even getting some more stupid sea-gulls would be fine. Just please, get rid of the geese.

Most birds have something going for them. Hawks are wonderful hungers, amazing to watch. Humming birds are cute, and really confuse my mother's cat. You can't beat chicken for food, and dodo's have such a great name. But there's nothing worthwhile about having a goose. If you have one, about a billion more follow, to the extent that standing on your porch you can't see any of your hundred-acre yard, and instead just have a mass of grey honking annoyances. Finally they decide it's time to migrate, about three months after everything else was smart enough to leave, and they've left a mess all over the lawn.

But at least it's decently-well fertilized.

Which itself might almost make the goose a worthwhile creature, renting out all the geese that take up residence in your yard to farmers across the world. But you'd have to catch them, and getting that close would give them the chance to bite. I don't trust _no_ goose!

Nor is it worthwhile to try biting back. These critters are not only ugly, loud, messy, and generally annoying, but they also taste horrible, and unless cooked just right, each bite has to be chewed for a century, it's so rubbery. Why someone would want to leave something that nasty in their mouth for that long is beyond me.

So every year I hope that someone will find a use for all the geese flocking around the lakes, all the geese in the fields. Every year I hope someone will do something about this nuisance, find something that makes this waste of perfectly good air worthwhile. And every year I'm disappointed.

They've finally driven me away, I have to hear them no longer. But still I hope that someone will take my geese. Please!