Monday, May 24, 2004

Attack of the 50' Radioactive Lobster

It has been brought to my attention that there are things out there, carrying the label of "sea monster", but which obviously are not. If it's less fearsome than I, it cannot be considered a monster! Several times now, I've seen on menus food claiming to contain "sea monster" but when the food itself is looked at, instead of something from Loch Ness, it's got lobster.

Unless it's radioactive and grown to an enormous height, lobster cannot be considered a sea monster. It's just too wimpy and small, and not nearly tasty enough. Now, if the lobster's grown to be 50' tall, then I'll admit that as long as it still lives in the sea it can be considered to be an actual, honest-to-goodness sea monster. And as a bonus, it's able to feed an army, instead of needing three to feed one person.

I'd guess, though, that the lobster used in these dishes aren't 50' tall, that they weren't even radioactive, that they were just ordinary, run-of-the-mill lobster. I'm rather upset by the lack of consideration given to people that actually were expecting to have real sea monster. How would I know if I were ordering some leviathan or Nessie if plain ol' lobster can be carrying the title of sea monster?

As, however, most eating establishments don't actually have room for even a baby leviathan, much less one that actually has some meat on its bones, I'm not really expecting good, fresh food when I go out expecting sea monster. So I suppose fresh lobster's a half-decent choice, given the options. I just wish it were actually 50' and radioactive.

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