An Historian Named Alice?

I want to know something. It's something I'd really, really like to be able to do, but I don't have any clue how to go about it. I'm not sure where to start, what supplies I need, I don't know much of anything about the topic. Related topics, sure, but specifically for this one, not a clue.

I want to go fishing for doormice.

Or even just one doormouse. I've never really seen a real doormouse, though, so that might be a problem. I hear the Romans knew a good deal about them, but I'm not sure I care enough about the Romans to hunt one down and ask. And once I caught one, I'd probably have to use my iffy Latin skills to talk to it. But then again, I don't know many other people that've seen a doormouse.

So I've gotta go hunting for a Roman so I can go fishing for doormice.

Of course, there're still problems. That's obvious. Because it's only a special breed of Roman that I can hunt for. Them newer Romans aren't made like they used to be, so I've gotta find me an ancient Roman. But I've never seen a real ancient Roman (although I have seen a few of the newer models) and thus wouldn't know where to start finding them either. But maybe I know who would, although I don't know where to find an historian either.

I guess I've got to go asking for an historian so I can go hunting for a Roman so I can go fishing for doormice.

Anyone seen an historian recently? If you can get me in touch with Alice, I can even skip the middle step!